WAG! THE MUSICAL
by Belvedere Pashun music and lyrics by Grant Martin, Thomas Giron-Towers and Tony Bayliss.
Charing Cross Theatre The Arches Villiers Street WC2N 6NL To 24 August 2013.
Mon-Sat 7.30pm Mat Fri 5pm Sat 3pm.
Runs 2hr 15min One interval.
Review: William Russell 25 July.
Unmissable for disaster aficionados
Every now and then a musical so awful that it is worth collecting comes along. This is such a show. Up there – almost – with the granddaddy of them all, Romance, a flop of yesteryear which starred Jess Conrad and Joyce Blair, and certainly on a par with Mike Reade’s Oscar Wilde, Lionel Bart’s Twang or Thomas and the King.
The sad thing is, a quite nice satirical idea lurks beneath the horrors on stage. Wags, or wives and girlfriends, are the perma-tanned, botox-deluged, hair extension ladies who consort with football players, are loved by the tabloids, and have careers as presenters on the television channels nobody watches.
They should make the topic for a rather jolly evening if only somebody had written one. Two of them are in the show, which lends an air of authenticity to the ghastly proceedings, but it is not enough to save the day.
The action takes place in a department store managed by Mr Frank (Tim Flavin, wearing the smile of a man who knows he is in the orchestra on the Titanic). Mr Frank – we know what that rhymes with – who is gay, has organised a gala which will be attended by some Wags, to promote a cosmetics line.
The plot, such as it is, concerns the love lives of two nice little girls on the cosmetics counter, Jenny (Daisy Wood-Davis), whose boyfriend is a married football player, and Sharron (Amy Scott), whose boyfriend beats her up. Will they find happiness? Who cares?
Flavin, a consummate professional, does his best. Wood-Davis, who is very pretty, sings sweetly; the comedienne Alyssa Kyria hi-jacks proceedings in her well known character of Ariadne, now a Wag from Thessalonika; the trio of good looking chorus boys strip to their underpants to cries of delight from the audience; the chorines wear some very short dresses and a fat lady sings.
On the plus side, there are a couple of decent tunes and several quite good dirty jokes – the latter went down well with the hair-extension ladies in the audience – but it is a very small plus.
Jenny: Daisy Wood-Davis.
Sharron: Amy Scott.
Mr Frank: Tim Flavin.
Pete: Chris Grierson.
Zoe: Lizzie Cundy.
Charlie: Gavin Alex.
Colin/Monsieur Bob: Philip Andrew.
Blow-Jo: Katie Kerr.
Charmaine: Nia Jermin.
Ariadne: Alyssa Kyria.
Vicci: Pippa Fulton.
Commuter 1/French Commuter: Rory Phelan.
Commuter 2: Matt Kors.
Shop Girl/Journalist 2: Rachel Rawlinson.
Female Model 1: Angela Russell.
Female Model 2/Journalist 1: Lizzy Connolly.
Male Model: Teyane Linton.
Director/Choreographer: Alison Pollard.
Designer: Charles Camm.
Lighting: Simon Lord.
Sound: Peter Hargreaves.
Musical Director: Grant Martin.
Costume: Ken Powell.